When Daddy Doesn't Love Mommy--
the effects of "mixed-orientation marriage" on children
We have had a lot of feedback on our articles about the LDS open "mixed-orientation marriage" development. What we haven't discussed is the effect this would have on the children involved.
As we see the much-praised and publicized trend for openly same-sex attracted guys to get straight girls to marry them in the temple so they can progress toward their ostensible goals in the Church, we also see that couples involved in this experimental phenomenon are bringing children into their homes, however that is achieved. How will this affect these children? Do the parents teach their children that their daddy doesn't love their mommy the way married people should, that he wishes he could go to bed with another man instead?
Children growing up in a home where it is openly accepted and publicly known that the father is permanently SSA, homosexual, or gay, that is, romantically attracted not to the mother, his wife, but to another man or men, would seem to be growing up in a very insecure and dangerous environment. Proper attitudes toward sexuality are not being modeled. Instead, the child is being taught all kinds of harmful, false, and confusing ideas: that love and sex need not be connected, that fathers need not be affectionate toward mothers, that husbands and wives need not love each other the way married people do, that extra-marital lust is harmless, that it's okay for men to be turned on by other men, and the list goes on. Will the child have fears that Daddy will abandon the family if he falls in love with a man?
It seems that the openly homosexual father will undoubtedly model what are now thought of as gay stereotypes or exemplify homosexuality in one way or another (even if not actually acting out with other men), or why would he be openly SSA? He may be a spokesman, writer, therapist, facilitator, or belong to activist groups. The vulnerable child will naturally seek to emulate his father in every way. The duped mother may also endorse the homosexual identity and encourage the child to admire and copy the father. The child will then grow up believing that being SSA is okay, and that same-sex sexual attraction is a perfectly fine channel for his or her developing sexuality to take.
Of course the above is what the children would be learning in such a home. How can a mixed-orientation couple, married in the temple with the approbation of Church, family, and friends, teach their child anything else? Given their public declaration of support for SSA and mixed-orientation marriage, these parents aren't going to be teaching their own child that their own mixed-orientation marriage is in any way abnormal or below standard. Of course they will teach their children, even in unspoken ways, that they are a normal couple, or as these couples have articulated, even superior to traditional heterosexually oriented couples. Hence, the child will grow up thinking homosexuality and mixed orientation marriage are actually better than heterosexual coupling. Is this true or right or fair?
The other day we watched a good movie called There Be Dragons. A quote: "In a child's heart many seeds are planted. You never know quite what will grow." Before we allow for, encourage, support, or embrace mixed-orientation marriage, we need to consider what it will be teaching the children in that home.
Our books can help. Me Tarzan, You Jane is a short, gentle-worded picture book for children of all ages stating the truth about male and female, romantic feelings, and marriage that can be read over and over without embarrassment Read and use the text for free by clicking here or order the book for $7.00 by clicking here. See also Chased by an Elephant for LDS families or Wild Elephant for families of all Christian denominations with pre-teen children and up, My Darling from the Lions, and Captain of My Soul.
–Stephen & Janice Graham
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